Saftey
by Athens Eternal Maiden
Summary: Ian's life wasn't prefect, far from it. But, keeping his little sister safe came first. Rated M for abuse, incest, rape, and self harm. Yaoi-ish. Vikram/Ian, Ian/OC friendship. I like Yaoi, deal with it.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I found a void of Ian angst fictions with dark themes, so, here it is. I do not own 39 Clues. Period. Summary: Ian's life wasn't prefect, far from it. But, keeping his little sister safe came first. Rated M for abuse, incest, rape, and self harm. Yaoi-ish. Vikram/Ian, Ian/OC friendship. I like Yaoi, deal with it.

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When life give you lemons, make lemonade. Nope, not for me. Contrary to popular belief, my life is not prefect. Far from it actually. My life is hell on earth. But, for her, I'll take it.

Who is she? Not Amy Cahill, if she knew, she'd hate me. No, she is my sister. Natalie. If I had to see her as I am now, I couldn't bear it. No longer seeing her eyes light up at the new trends, seeing her in this broken state like I. No, I could not take it. So, I endure it.

He is always there. In my life, in my dreams. In my house. Forever etched in my mind is the image of his face sneering down at me.

He is my father. Coming into my room most every night, getting the service from me my mother will not provide. I cherish the nights I spend alone, though they are few.

My mother knows, she must. I know by the way she looks at me. Like I'm weak. Like the house of straw before the wolf. My wolf comes, he comes every night. His name is sleep.

Sleep is a savior, yet it is also a abomination. He haunts my dreams, making me relive the night on loop. Again, again, each time more vivid, until the morning sun pushes him away.

The morning. Oh, how I relish the sun. It drives the past nights memories away. The sun is my sign of hope. Proof I can survive. Proof God does care.

I am a toy. Broken over and over. Used, dirty, and rotten. I cannot love; I am afraid to. Afraid to be used again. But, for her, I will take it.

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**A/N: If you hate it, don't review, simple as that. If you like it, or have ways I can improve, then please, by all means, do. Dedicated to Sanity Optional. Because she rocks.**


	2. Chapter 2

Time. It is a thing by which we all must abide. But I, more then most, despise this. Why is it that one day is gone as fast as an arrow from a bow, but others are as sluggish as molasses creeping out of the tree? Most of my days are the latter. _He _comes in silence. Then, I must bid my time until he is gone. Occasionally, he is. Most of the time, he stays the whole night, in my bed after he is done. Or, though this is only when he is angry, he doesn't finish. He stays the whole night, and will not stop until it is time for me to go to school, and other times, I don't _go _to school.

Saturday, March 12th. The day I was saved. By a maid, no less. Her name was Tara. Tara Delphi, the newest employee of my family. She was yet to learn that she should not pry. She was about to do some form of menial labor in my room, like dust, but she walked in without knocking. The nerve. She walked in to find me, the weak being I am, crying. But, then again, after what _he _did to me, who wouldn't be bawling like a lost child? So, when she came in I was sobbing into a pillow. Still the same way _he _left me, disrobed and vulnerable. Not to mention lying on bed sheet covered in my father's… bodily fluids. "Ian?" Her voice was soft and caring. Not what I expected, after all, I was never polite to her or any of the servants. "What do you bloody want?" I snapped, and she took a bold- and idiotic- step towards me. Most of my body was covered by my sheets, but, my chest was still exposed. But, she didn't look at me in the lustful way that other females- and some males- looked at me. She only looked at my eyes. Or, look _through _my eyes, I should say.

This girl could melt you with one sympathetic look. But, I was trained to resist most forms of mental penetration, including ESP. So, I would not cave. I would not give her, or anyone, a chance to see me as anyone but a powerful being. But just then, my cold mask broke. Maybe it was the look in her eye, or maybe my current defenseless state, but, once again, I broke down in tears. "Oh!" she ran over to me, engulfing me in a hug so tight, it would put any vipers vice like grip to shame. I tried fruitlessly to push her away "Get off of me." I tried to sound menacing, but it merely came out as a weak whine. "Did he hurt you?"

She knew. She knew. She knew how dirty I was, how broken. How weak. "I-I- don't know what you're talking about." again, I tried to pull away, but her grip did not falter. "Did he hurt you? Ian, you can tell me. I need to know. Did. He. Hurt. You.". Her voice was barley above a whisper, and her tone was pleading. My stiff train of thought wavered. Maybe she could help. Maybe she could. I pushed away the thoughts. No. Nobody could help. Nobody could know. "Go away." my voice was still a faint sob. She took one of her hands, and put in softly on my cheek. I flinched. "He did." A deep feeling of guilt wound through me. I'd told. I'd betrayed my father. "Please, don't tell. Please. Keep it secret." She nodded, letting go of me "I will.". She sounded so…. Understanding, so accepting, I heard her make her way over to my closet. "Get dressed," she said "Your father wants too see you. He's in the foyer." And, with that, my gift left. Like a phantom, only meant to be around for a short time. The foyer? Oh shit. Some meeting. I sighed, and got dressed. Must not look as terrible as I feel. As I made my way down to the first floor, I heard an unfamiliar voice say "So, how much for one hour?"

One hour. My father was selling something, and I hoped I was wrong on what it was. "One hour with the boy? Four hundred pounds." I was right. He was selling _me. _No, no, no! He's my father; he's supposed to keep me safe! "Ah, and here he is now, come here boy. Meet Ivan Keisler.". Ivan Keisler. Leader of the Tomas branch. Why was he here? He was here to get a blowjob from me, obviously. But, for four hundred pounds? No. Not just that. Secrets, he was selling his branches secrets. For a blowjob from a fourteen year old. Now _that _was low. Even the most horny Lucian jacked up on cocaine wouldn't do that.

The burly skier eyed me in a way no man of his age and stature should eye a boy of my age. _Nobody_ should eye _anybody _like the was looking at me. "Hello young one, are you ready?". His voice was purring as he led me to an awaiting cab. Tara was out on the lawn, and she saw this. Her eyes were wide with terror as the Tomas man leaned down and kissed me roughly. Her face was frozen with pure agony when he pushed me into the automobile. If I knew how this was going to go, I would have ran.

**(A/N: Sorry, I know the rules! But I must do this. If you are young, and cannot stand Yaoi sex scenes, rape, or anything of the sort, then bugger off! It will be in this chapter! I'm warning you!)**

Upon reaching a sleazy hotel in the dirtiest and most crime ridden part of London, we got out. "Come on pretty boy." Ivan growled, and he took me by the arm roughly, dragging me into on of the rooms. Actually, I was picked up like a sack of potatoes, thrown over his shoulder, and carried through the building. But, I have more dignity than that, so, I was quite embarrassed. And scared. He was going to rape me. And then my father would. I still had to face Tara upon my return home. Would she still want to help? Why would she? I'd never helped her. These were the thoughts running through my mind as my torturer took me to his chamber. "You ready slut?". I flinched at the Tomas' gravelly voice, and he chuckled "I guess not. All the better.". I was roughly deposited on the grimy bed, and I let out a whimper. "Shut up faggot!" Ivan said angrily. I bit my lip. "Good boy." the older man purred, crawling on top of me, and unbuttoning my shirt. Why me? Why, oh, why was it me? What did I do wrong? Why me? Those thoughts ran through my mind on an eternal cycle as the much older man invaded my mouth. Why? He roughly grabbed my ass and lifted me up. Why? He started to undress himself, and I tried to look away. Why? I felt rough hands grab hold of my pants. No, no, why, why me? The night was torture. I will not go into the details, for fear of scaring those with weak minds- and stomachs- to much, however, I will say that I was violated in ways no fourteen year old should. _Ever. _The hour was forever. No rest, no time to ask for the man to bring this to an end. None.

Finally though, it did end. As all things must. "Get dressed whore." the elder man growled, and I did so quickly, thanking god for it to have ended. We got soundlessly into another cab, and I was taken home. If it truly still was my home, and not my prison. When getting to the door of my cage, Ivan went to pay my father. Disgusting. Dirty. Used. This is how I felt, but most of all I felt broken. I was a toy. To be used for any purpose. I ran quickly up to my room, and practically flung myself onto my bed, sobbing once again. A soft knock came from the other side of my door "Ian?". It was Tara. "Hm?" I barely acknowledged her. "I'm coming in.". She was a brave one, I'll give her that. She entered my room silently, and went over to me, once again draping me in her protective hug. She was quite compassionate, not something I was used to. "Why are you helping me?". I had to ask her. She was just there , helping me. Or trying to, at least. There wasn't much she could do. "Because, that's what family's for.". Family. She was a Cahill. "I'm Janus-Lucian. It would be wrong not to help family." "Thank you.". At this, Tara looked shocked. I was too. I had never said thank you, or please, or shown any form of respect or gratitude towards the servants. But, a lot of change had taken place to me in the last passed hour. Tara made no reply but taking her had and smoothing back my hair. "I will get you out of this. Even if I have to get the whole Cahill family involved. I will.". The determination in her voice was clear. She cared. I was not totally alone. She would help me. She _could _help me. "Soon, please." I croaked, burrowing my face into her shoulder. Her maid uniform smelled strongly of bleach and cooking spices, but, I paid no mind. She was my savior from this living nightmare. My candle flame in the world of darkness and cold. My friend.

She was the one who stopped me from knocking at the doors of death, that very night_. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: For this update, thank Violet911, my new friend! Thanks for the extra push, Vi!**

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There was a funeral today.

For Grace Cahill.

I fell in love today,

With Hamilton Holt.

I know it is impossible, impractical, unattainable love, but I can only hope. I hope for us to one day be together in peace, with no one in the way; to have my Hamilton all to myself, alone and happy. With my past behind me. That is why I must win. I must win for him, for her, for me. I must win.

In Vienna

I see him. We were scoping out the Cahill brats, and I saw him. I felt my heartbeat quicken, and arms start to shake. Natalie says something about the Cahills. I just nod. Today I saw my Hamilton. I will win, and he will be mine.

In Russia

I haven't seen my Hamilton since Vienna. I felt terrible. Was he dead? Was he dying? He, to my great joy, was not. Then, I saw him with the Cahill girl, and I shivered. I had had to kiss her. Her lips were bitter on mine. Why her? Why not my Hamilton?

Why couldn't I be in an alliance with my Hamilton?

Later, he crushed our Land Rover and beat me up.

I loved every moment. He was close to me, I was of so close to my Hamilton.

Mine.

In Australia

Mother joined us. Dreadful, evil, mother joined us.

Much better than dreadful, evil, moral less father.

I saw him again. He swept the Cahill girl away, like a knight taking away a princess. Why didn't he take me with him? Away from evil, evil, evil mother, and dreadful, dreadful, dreadful pain?

Why did you leave me behind, my Hamilton?

In Tibet

I nearly died today.

And I was saved, by the Cahill girl. I am not grateful, not at all.

I wanted my Hamilton to do it. Why didn't he save me?

Why didn't he love me?

Why couldn't I stop loving him?

It was a deep, dark, hopeless love. Why couldn't it be more?

Why?

In England; the church

He was pinning me to a wall, asking me what we did with Amy and Dan. I couldn't breath. He was suffocating me.

And I loved it.

He could not feel the long gashes on my arms, one for each time I caught a glimpse of him. I kept them hidden.

Nor did he see the paper I had hidden in my pocket. 'Ian & Hamilton; my Hamilton' it said. He would never see it.

Not as long as my mother and father were around.

That is why I must win.

I will win.

For my Hamilton.

In the Gauntlet; with Isabel

She found us; my mother found us and is going to kill us. Going to kill me and my Hamilton.

I still have the paper. Should I show him?

Yes, yes I do.

I take out the paper and hand it to him. My mother does not see, she is to busy weaseling clues out of others.

He sees it, he unfolds it. And…. He lets out a silent gasp. He's crying. No! I made him cry; I hurt him!

No, wait… he's signaling something.

He points to his clear blue eyes. Eye…. I.

He makes an awkward heart with his hands. Love.

He points to me. Me.

He holds up two fingers. Too.

He loves me too!

My Hamilton loves me. Now I must survive.

Ned crashes in. Hell brakes loose. We break free. Dan and Amy win. It all happened in fast forward.

He loves me. This may just work.

Maybe.

We are outside the Gauntlet now, his family cheering for him, hugging him, being happy. All through that, I just smile nostalgically. He loved me, my Hamilton was truly mine! This was wonderful. Better than the Cahill girl, better than any amount of screaming fangirls, it was just… unexplainable.

Suddenly, I felt a weight come crashing down upon me. Mother was gone. Father, however, was still out there. Still alive.

But, I would manage. Like always, now, for my Hamilton.

Arms wrapped themselves around my waist, binging me back to reality. "What're you thinking so hard about, Ian?" Hamilton asked.

"My father." I replied truthfully.

He frowned. "Right. He as bad as your mom? Like, killing people and stuff?"

Poor, poor ignorant Hamilton. "Worse."

His frown turned into determination. "Then, you'll stay with me. Natalie can stay with Jonah, and you can stay until your dad isn't a threat any more."

I shook my head. "No, we'll manage. Besides, he'll probably be in hiding now that mum's going to prison." I lied quickly, though I knew otherwise.

"You sure?"

"Yes, Hamilton, I'm sure. Don't worry about the boy who learned 'poison' as his first word."

"… Really?"

I laughed "No! It was actually 'auntie'. Irina wanted me to call her that. I never did, though, I wish I could have."

He put his head on my shoulder. It had taken me awhile to notice, but, everyone was looking at us. "Hamilton?"

"Hm?"

"People are staring."

"Yeah, and they'll be staring more after I do," he whipped me around so I was facing him, and pulled me closer. His lips were millimeters apart. "this."

He closed the gap between us, and kissed me. Was everyone looking? I didn't know. All I saw were stars.

The kiss lasted a good minute before we had to come up for air. Curse you, need to breath! After that, everyone started to leave. I got onto the yacht Jonah came on, and started driving back to shore.

Perfect day today, now I'm ready for hell tomorrow. 


End file.
